Maybe I’m Not ‘Too Sensitive’, Maybe You’re Just A Dickhead?
As a woman in my twenties, I’ve spent a lot of time grappling with a particular phrase I hear all too often: “You’re too sensitive.” It’s the go-to response whenever I react to something someone says or does that rubs me the wrong way. At first, I’d internalise it, questioning myself. Was I really overreacting? Was I just being dramatic? But after some introspection, and a little bit of courage to stand my ground, I’ve come to realise something important: Maybe I’m not too sensitive. Maybe you’re just dickhead.
It’s amazing how often women—especially young women—are told that their feelings are invalid, that they’re “too much” or “too emotional.” We’re conditioned to be accommodating, to smile politely, and to let things slide for the sake of peace. Growing up, I was always told staying silent kept the peace. Until I realised whose peace it was keeping. Hint: not mine. When we don’t, we’re tagged with the “sensitive” label, as if being emotionally affected by the world around us is something to be ashamed of. But here’s the thing: sensitivity isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s an incredibly human quality, one that many people, especially women, are often expected to suppress.
The Culture of ‘Toughness’
Growing up, I was constantly told that I needed to “toughen up”. If I cried, I was told it was unnecessary, that I should “get over it.” If I showed frustration or anger, I was accused of being “moody” or “overdramatic.” I started to internalise these messages and felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling hurt. It wasn’t until later, as I entered my twenties, that I began to question this narrative.
The idea that we should “toughen up” is rooted in a culture that glorifies stoicism and dismisses vulnerability. It promotes a certain kind of emotional callousness—one that often benefits the person making the hurtful comment or engaging in toxic behavior. In a world that values strength, the soft and sensitive voices are frequently overlooked or minimised.
But here’s what I’ve learned: emotional intelligence and sensitivity are strengths, not weaknesses. Feeling deeply means I can connect with others on a more meaningful level. It means I understand the impact of words and actions and try to be more empathetic. So, when I react to something hurtful, it’s not an overreaction; it’s me using my emotional compass to signal that something isn’t right.
Recognising The Iconic ‘Dickhead’ Behavior
If I’m truly being “too sensitive,” then why is it that the behavior that triggers my emotional response is so often harsh, dismissive, or downright rude? Maybe, just maybe, I’m not the problem here. The person who is consistently insensitive or unkind might be the one with the issue.
When we take a step back, it becomes clear that not all negative reactions are the result of someone being “too sensitive.” Some people—whether intentionally or unintentionally—are simply mean, inconsiderate, or dismissive. They might belittle you, make sarcastic remarks, or try to cut you down with a joke at your expense. It’s important to recognise these behaviors for what they are: a lack of respect.
In these situations, it’s not about me being overly emotional or thin-skinned; it’s about the other person not taking the time or effort to consider how their words or actions affect me. And that’s not my fault.
Standing Up for Myself
In my twenties, I’ve also had to learn how to stand up for myself when someone says something hurtful. For a long time, I would swallow my feelings, afraid of causing conflict or being seen as “difficult.” But I’ve come to realise that silence is often interpreted as consent. If I let someone get away with treating me poorly, I’m essentially telling them that their behavior is acceptable.
Now, when someone says something that crosses the line, I try to voice my feelings in a calm and assertive way and holy shit is it liberating ladies!!! I’m not rude or confrontational, but I make it clear that I won’t tolerate disrespect. For example, if a friend makes a sarcastic remark about my appearance or a colleague belittles my ideas, I’ll say something like, “I don’t find that funny,” or “That comment was hurtful to me.”
It’s not about demanding an apology or getting into a heated argument. It’s about taking ownership of my feelings and showing others that I deserve respect, just like anyone else. And guess what? People don’t expect you to be “sensitive” when you stand up for yourself—they respect you for it.
It’s Not About Sensitivity, It’s About Respect
What I’ve learned over the years is that being sensitive isn’t the issue—it’s about boundaries and respect. Sensitivity is a reflection of how much we care, how deeply we feel connected to others and to the world around us. It’s okay to be impacted by the things people say or do. In fact, it’s healthy to acknowledge and express those feelings, rather than bottle them up or ignore them.
The real question we should be asking isn’t whether someone is “too sensitive,” but whether their actions are kind, considerate, and respectful. It’s not unreasonable to expect that people treat you with decency, especially in the small moments. Sarcastic comments, condescending tones, or dismissive attitudes are all forms of emotional disregard that should be called out.
So the next time someone tells me I’m “too sensitive,” I’ll pause, take a breath, and remind myself: Maybe I’m not the one with the problem. Maybe you just need to be kinder. And that’s a lesson I’m happy to teach, even if it takes a little extra sensitivity to get there. And if all else fails (and this is for my confrontational ladies out there), just say “FUCK EM”. That aught to do the trick!
