We’re Adult's Now…
As we step into 2025, we have to be realistic. We’re adults now. You and you alone are responsible for your emotional intelligence. It’s no longer about who hurt you, or who made you feel this way, its about what YOU can do to fix YOUR problems.
Life in your 20s is like being handed a blank page and a dozen pens, with everyone shouting different things you "should" write down. It’s exhilarating, overwhelming, and, if we're being honest, messy. Somewhere in this chaos, I’ve realised one thing: emotional intelligence isn’t just a skill—it’s survival.
Growing up, I blamed a lot of my issues on the circumstances or people that hurt me. Toxic friendships, family dysfunction, heartbreaks—you name it, I had a list of grievances ready to justify why I acted the way I did. And while it was valid to feel those emotions and acknowledge those experiences, there came a day when I looked at my own life and thought, Okay, so now what?
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I remember sitting on my bed after yet another conflict—one I felt “wasn’t my fault”—and realising that the common denominator in all my problems was me. That wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. But it was liberating.
Emotional Intelligence: The Game-Changer
I’ve come to learn that emotional intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about being empathetic or managing other people’s feelings. It’s about mastering your own mind and heart. It’s about taking ownership of your thoughts, reactions, and the choices you make every day. And most importantly, it’s about recognising that while we can’t control who or what hurt us, we are absolutely responsible for how we heal and grow.
Here’s what this journey has taught me:
1. Self-Awareness is Brutal, but Necessary
Do you ever stop mid-argument and think, Wow, I’m actually the problem here? I used to hate admitting that I was reactive, defensive, or sometimes just plain wrong. But self-awareness has become my superpower. Knowing my triggers and owning my flaws has helped me transform the way I navigate challenges.
2. Responsibility is Freedom
For years, I told myself that my pain wasn’t my fault, so fixing it wasn’t my responsibility. But here’s the truth: even if something isn’t your fault, it’s still your responsibility to deal with it. Whether it’s therapy, journaling, or simply sitting with my emotions instead of numbing them, I’ve learned to show up for myself. Because no one else will.
3. Forgiveness is For You, Not Them
Let’s be clear: forgiving doesn’t mean condoning. But carrying resentment is like walking through life with a backpack full of bricks—it only weighs you down. Forgiving the people or situations that hurt me has allowed me to move forward. It’s not about letting them off the hook; it’s about letting myself breathe again.
4. Growth Means Letting Go
Some of the hardest decisions I’ve made in my 20s have involved walking away—from relationships, habits, and even versions of myself that I’d outgrown. Growth is painful, but it’s a choice. And every time I’ve chosen growth, I’ve felt a little more aligned with the woman I’m becoming.
5. Feelings Aren’t Facts
This one hit me like a ton of bricks. Just because I feel abandoned doesn’t mean I am. Just because I feel like a failure doesn’t mean I’m incapable. Emotions are valid, but they aren’t permanent truths. Learning to sit with my feelings, understand them, and let them pass has been a cornerstone of my emotional intelligence.
Choosing to Heal
It’s not easy. Taking responsibility for your own healing is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. There are days when I slip back into old patterns or want to throw myself a pity party. But I remind myself: my 20s are my foundation. The work I put in now will shape the rest of my life.
Emotional intelligence is a daily practice. It’s in the way I pause before reacting, how I take a deep breath when I want to lash out, and how I choose to be kinder to myself and others. It’s a commitment to growth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, I’ve realised that no one is coming to save me. And that’s okay. Because I’m learning to save myself.
And honestly? That’s the most empowering thing of all.
To anyone else in their 20s, navigating this emotional rollercoaster, just know: it’s messy, but you’re not alone. Keep going. You’ve got this.
