Entering The Lions Den
Navigating Dating in Your 20s: Boundaries, Tips, and Red Flags to Watch For
Ok ladies, strap in! Dating in your 20s can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One minute you’re texting someone new and feeling that excited spark, the next you’re wondering if they’re ghosting you or just not that into it. As someone who’s been there, I’ve learned a lot about how to navigate the ups and downs, and I’m here to share what I’ve picked up along the way. From boundaries, to red flags to tips for healthy relationships, here’s what I’ve learned about dating as a woman in my 20s.
1. Boundaries Are a Non-Negotiable
It took me a while to realise this, but your boundaries are crucial in every stage of dating. If someone isn’t respecting your limits, that’s a huge red flag. Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” when you’re uncomfortable in intimate moments—they’re about maintaining your sense of self and making sure you’re always treated with respect. Some boundaries to consider:
Physical boundaries: This includes everything from how much physical affection you're comfortable with to when you're ready to take things to the next level. Now, I get it, intimacy is a huge aspect of a relationship… but never and I mean never feel pressured into doing something you are either not ready for, or just don’t want to do. No justification is needed here ladies, no means fucking no.
Emotional boundaries: Don’t let someone make you feel like you have to put their needs above your own. You deserve to be with someone who respects your feelings and doesn’t manipulate or guilt-trip you into ignoring your own emotional requirements. A simple example being communication. In a world where tech is our dominant form of communication, reassurance and comfort is vital. Don’t feel like you are asking for too much… they are just simply not providing enough. And that’s ok! Remember ladies, when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.
Time boundaries: It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but remember that your time and energy are valuable. If someone is constantly canceling plans or only reaching out when it's convenient for them, that’s a sign to set some limits. One could even call this a… situationship. If you still have your makeup on at 11:30pm, just in case they FaceTime, or ask to come over, you have your answer. If you’re picking up your phone every 10 seconds, hoping for a message and there never is, you have your answer. If you mention you’re upset, and you notice them pulling back, you have your answer.
Tip: Trust your gut. If something feels off, it's important to honour that feeling. Sometimes we ignore our intuition in the name of "not being too picky" or "giving them a chance," but more often than not, your instincts are spot on.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Communicate Your Needs
This one is a big one for me. I used to assume that if someone cared about me, they would just know what I needed without me having to say anything. Spoiler: that’s not how it works. Healthy communication is key to any successful relationship.
Whether it’s about the pace of the relationship, what you want in the future, or simply how you’re feeling that day, don’t be afraid to express yourself clearly. If you're looking for something serious, don't waste time dating someone who is only looking for something casual. On the flip side, if you’re not ready for a full-blown commitment, be honest about that too.
Tip: Try to avoid playing games or assuming the other person will “figure it out.” Being direct and honest might feel intimidating at first, but it’ll save you time and heartache in the long run.
3. Know Your Worth—And Don’t Settle
This was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn. In your 20s, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the idea of "finding the one" or worrying that you’ll end up alone. But what I came to realise is that being single is infinitely better than being with someone who doesn’t truly value you.
If someone is treating you poorly or not showing genuine interest, it’s better to walk away. This doesn’t mean holding out for perfection (fun fact: nobody’s perfect), but it does mean that you deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are and makes you feel good about yourself. You deserve someone who makes the effort to understand your goals, dreams, and quirks, not someone who makes you feel invisible or undervalued.
If you’re constantly questioning your worth in a relationship, it might be time to reevaluate it. You deserve love, respect, and someone who’s all in—don’t settle for less.
4. Trust Is Everything—But It’s Earned, Not Given
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship. That being said, trust takes time to build, and it’s not something that should just be given away immediately. You can’t trust someone who hasn’t shown they’re reliable, consistent, and honest.
One mistake I made early on was assuming that because someone said all the right things, they could be trusted. In reality, trust is earned through actions, not words. If someone is consistently showing you they can be counted on—whether it’s showing up on time, keeping their word, or being open about their feelings—then that’s how trust is built. But if they’re playing hot-and-cold or lying about little things, that’s a sign to pull back. Pay attention to patterns of behavior, not just occasional slip-ups. If someone’s behavior consistently doesn’t align with your values, it’s time to set a boundary and reevaluate the relationship.
5. It’s Okay to Take Breaks (Or End Things Entirely)
Not every relationship is meant to work out, and that’s totally fine. I think there’s a lot of pressure in your 20s to make things work because, hey, you don’t want to waste time or feel like you’ve "failed" at love. But sometimes, walking away from something that isn’t right for you is the best decision you can make for your own happiness.
I’ve learned that it’s better to end things sooner than to drag out a relationship that doesn’t feel right. Whether it’s a lack of chemistry, incompatible values, or just the fact that the person you’re dating doesn’t align with where you’re headed in life—don’t be afraid to make the tough decision. Don’t feel guilty for ending things if you’re not happy. It’s better to be single and fulfilled than to be in a relationship that drains you.
All I will say is that… dating in your 20s is a journey, and it’s one that’s full of growth, learning, and—let’s be real—plenty of awkward moments. But at the end of the day, what matters most is that you stay true to yourself, prioritise your own happiness, and know your worth. Trust in your ability to make good decisions, set boundaries that keep you safe, and never settle for anything less than respect and love.
And remember, it’s okay to be single. In fact, it’s probably the best way to learn about yourself before you invite someone else into your life. The right person will come along. I promise you. But for now, just learn to fill up your own cup, so that someone can fall in love with the overflow.
