Disrespected But Never Defeated
Should I hold on to the disrespect, or just ‘Let It Go’?
Forgiveness is one of those concepts we hear about constantly, but it’s rarely talked about in a way that truly connects with how it feels to be a twenty-something navigating life’s messy, complicated relationships. We’re in this weird in-between space of being old enough to understand the weight of our feelings but young enough to still be figuring out who we are, what we believe in, and how to protect ourselves. So, when someone disrespects us — whether it’s a friend, a partner, or even a family member — it’s like a punch to the gut. The instinct to hold on to that hurt can be powerful, especially when it feels like letting go means you’re accepting the disrespect. But, if we cling to that pain, is it really serving us in the long run?
In my early twenties, I’ve found myself asking this question more times than I can count. Should I hold on to the bitterness, or do I just move on and let it go for the sake of my peace? And the truth is, I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. It’s not a simple choice between being a doormat or being "too cold" to let people in. Forgiveness is a journey that’s more about me than the person who hurt me, and it’s a lot more complex than I thought.
The Weight of Holding On
When someone disrespects me, it’s easy to tell myself that by holding on to my hurt, I’m protecting myself. If I remember the disrespect, I won’t make the same mistake twice. I’ll avoid that person, keep my distance, and never let them hurt me again. It sounds like self-preservation, right? But in reality, what happens is that I end up carrying around a heavy backpack of anger, sadness, and disappointment. Every time I replay the moment in my head — when they let me down, lied to me, or took me for granted — I’m only keeping myself trapped in that painful moment. I’m allowing the person who hurt me to continue to control my emotions, even though they’re probably not even thinking about it anymore.
As much as I try to convince myself that holding on to the pain makes me stronger, the truth is, it can slowly eat away at my energy. I spend so much mental space on someone else’s behavior, and I start to feel drained. The anger takes up space that could be filled with positive, forward-thinking thoughts. I become consumed by it.
The Challenge of Letting It Go
On the flip side, the idea of letting go feels like I’m somehow excusing the disrespect, and that doesn’t sit well with me. Why should I just forget when someone disrespected me? Doesn’t that mean I’m minimising my worth, or worse, letting them think it’s okay to treat me that way? I don’t want to be a doormat. I don’t want to send the message that their behavior is acceptable. In a world that constantly pushes women to stand up for themselves and assert their boundaries, the idea of forgiveness can feel like surrender.
But then, I think about the kind of life I want to live. I don’t want to be someone who holds grudges forever or lets bitterness cloud my judgment. I want to be at peace with myself, and the only way to achieve that is by learning how to let go of the hurt. Forgiveness, I’ve realised, isn’t about saying “what you did was okay.” It’s about acknowledging that what they did was wrong — and still choosing to let it go, because it’s not worth my mental and emotional energy to keep holding on.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation, and it doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean I have to trust the person again or let them back into my life. It just means I am choosing to release the grip that their actions have on me. I get to decide that my peace and my happiness are more important than holding on to the past.
And for those of you readers who are stuck in a situation where the disrespect originates from a person you love, like a close family relative, or a best friend, the situation becomes more tricky, I know. I love myself enough not to accept disrespect, but the love I have for the perpetuator is simply too strong. Here, just remember ladies that sometimes you have to simply let things slide, or perhaps just remind yourself that your value for the relationship is worth more than securing your ego. Let that sink in.
The Freedom of Forgiveness
When I forgive, I start to feel lighter. It’s like I’ve been carrying around a weight that I didn’t even know I was holding. In letting go, I realise that I’m freeing myself. It’s not about them; it’s about me. By forgiving, I stop allowing their actions to control my emotions. I stop letting their mistakes define my present and future.
Forgiveness is not a magical fix, and it’s not a switch that flips overnight. It’s a process that takes time, and sometimes it comes in waves. There are moments when I feel ready to forgive and others when the pain resurfaces. But each time I choose to forgive, I step closer to emotional freedom. It’s a gift I give myself, even if the person who hurt me never asks for it.
A New Perspective
In my twenties, I’ve learned that life is too short to stay tied to the anger and resentment that come from being disrespected. I don’t want to waste time on things that keep me stuck in the past. It’s okay to stand up for myself and set boundaries, but I also have to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean I’m weak or passive. It’s actually one of the strongest things I can do — it’s reclaiming my power.
So, should I hold on to the disrespect, or should I let it go? The answer isn’t easy, but I’m starting to believe that letting go is the path to my own peace. It’s about choosing to stop allowing other people’s negativity to dictate how I feel. It’s about knowing my worth, protecting my peace, and trusting that forgiveness is not about the other person — it’s about me taking back control of my life and emotions.
In the end, forgiveness is a gift I give myself, and the more I practice it, the more I realize that I deserve a life full of peace, joy, and growth.
